I got chris browned last night
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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