Who wears a wallet chain?!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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