Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
