Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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