Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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