I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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