so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
