u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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