I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
