I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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