1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
