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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i think i have two assholes
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
