I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Floor bacon is actually really good
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
