I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
