every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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