my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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