I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
