i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
