I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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