I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
