i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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