Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
