I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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