My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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