guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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