Ketchup is God's man juice
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
