Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
