You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
