Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
