How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
