I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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