Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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