i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I will be naked everywhere
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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