I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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