i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How does it feel to date your dad?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
