Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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