508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
