party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
