Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
