KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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