I'm jealous of your bromance
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
