Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
