I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
