She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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