I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
