I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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