Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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