Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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