google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
