Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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