Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
