As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
