yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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