Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
