you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
