Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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