Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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