She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
