i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
