My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
