How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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