why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
