Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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