I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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