none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize