I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
