girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
