Porn is love you can see.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
