Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
