Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
