This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
